Listening is demonstrated by how you respond

Rarely do people admit that they are poor listeners in general.

In coaching conversations with CXOs, when the topic of listening comes up, most of them are confident. They give time, people can walk in and talk to them, they understand what is being said and they are present. And yet, their peers, and teams feel unheard. Their families too.

In a mentoring session last week, I could clearly see the reason for this gap.

Most people think listening is demonstrated by what happens while the other person is speaking. However, the nodding, the eye contact, the not interrupting- these signal attention. They do not prove listening.

For the person on the other side, listening is demonstrated by how you respond to them.

Does it show that what was said was actually received? Does it reflect the meaning behind the words, not just the words themselves? Does it open the conversation further, or close it down?

Listening includes the nod, the eye contact and the space and much more, even silence. It is about responding in a way that tells the other person - I heard your words, and I heard you.